The Resurrection

The Resurrection of Jesus Christ

 "And looking up, they saw that the stone had been rolled back— it was very large.  And entering the tomb, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, dressed in a white robe, and they were alarmed.  And he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He has risen; he is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter that he is going before you to Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you.”" (St.Mark 16.4-7)

I couldn't just leave it there could I? Of course not. Although not an official station, the resurrection is sometimes included. So I am including it.

Wow. So lent comes to an end and the time of Easter celebration begins. I have to admit that this blog has been hard for me. I've struggled to put in the effort and to reflect thoroughly on my day but even so I feel it has brought forth fruit in my own life. And that's just how God works, even though I fail at what I start, it's really Him who does it all if I just give Him a little bit of space to do what He does! What a lent it has been. The irony is, that through my lack of commitment, I've still learnt a lot and feel I have drawn closer to God. It's reinforced my reliance on Him and I feel like I have learnt something new about His love. I can't put it into words but Holy Week has been so powerful for me.

Last night a good friend of mine was received into full communion with the Church and it was such an awesome privileged to be there with him as his sponsor. To see him receive Holy Communion for the first time reminded me of just how special it is. 

Easter Sunday was spent with friends in celebration and great to remember that we were all there, together, because of Christ. I think back on the day and how joy filled it was and compare it to the joy the disciples must have felt once the reality of the resurrection dawned on them. We have hope and joy because of that day. 

The Resurrection is a mystery beyond comprehension and I find myself struggling to grasp its reality. But it did happen. It is a reality. It is STILL a reality as Christ IS risen and IS seated at the right hand of the Father and He IS present, as the risen Lord, in the Holy Eucharist.

These are mysteries I will never understand in this life but I pray that God will grant me the humbleness of faith to accept that which I cannot understand.

What I have seen about myself through this blog is that what I need to live out is Christ's love for me. I've discovered His love in new ways, I've reminded myself of it each day and I know that He has given me all I need but now He asks me to "go out and do the same". I set a challenge for myself this lent: to volunteer at an old age home or homeless shelter. It's taken this lent to get me to a place where I realise just how much I must do that. I waste a lot of time, being lazy, not being productive  and there is so much to be done. I think I will keep this blog going, sporadically, when I get to it, but I feel I need it to make myself feel accountable. And after all, everyday we walk the Way of the Cross, even in the smallest things we do.

My Lord and God, I thank you for everything that You are and that You have done. In rising, Lord Jesus, you changed man's relationship with God forever. The graves were torn open and the dead have new life! I pray that I may have that hope in me, to always trust in You and Your mercy and that I may need no other sign but the resurrection. 

Praise be to you Lord Jesus, for ever and ever, alleluia, alleluia! 

Amen!

Thanks all for reading and drop in from time to time as I keep on trying, with God's grace, to walk the path of Christ.

Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

The Fourteenth Station

Jesus is Laid in the Tomb

"And Joseph took the body, and wrapped it in a clean linen shroud, and laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn in the rock; and he rolled a great stone to the door of the tomb, and departed. Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were there, sitting opposite the sepulcher."   (St. Matthew 27.59-61)

As my posts come to an end, I have to back track a little as I have just celebrated a wondrous Easter vigil which was truly beautiful! 

Christ being laid in the tomb. For the disciples it was all over. They couldn't understand it. But they were soon to be even more perplexed when they encountered the risen Christ!

Lord, I ask that I may lay my sinful nature in the tomb. That I may die with you and rise to new life in your resurrection.

Let us pray:

In the depths of this mirror a dim light is flickering, it is a light that will soon burst into a flame ...

O my Jesus, you are, as it were, the dead seed being laid in the ground.

This icon proclaims that all is finished ... "consummatem est" ...

On the heights of Mount Tabor, in your Transfiguration, we glimpsed the truth that has pursued us since: how much is concealed from us, both in light and darkness ... things are never quite what they seem and from this moment forth, nothing will be the same again.

I shall continue to gaze into this mirror Lord until I experience your risen presence in my life.

O Jesus, I believe in you, I love you – I wait for your return! Darkness or light, life or death, it matters not ... I will always find you there ... when all else tells me that you have left, I will always find you there. Always!

The birth of a song is stirring in my heart on the edge of this night, on the brink of this darkness, and I know that I shall soon sing, the song of everlasting songs:

Alleluia! Sanctus! Sanctus! Sanctus! Dominus Deus Sabaoth ... Qui erat, Qui est, et Qui venturus est! Alleluia!^*

  

By: A Poor Clare Colettine Nun

^*Alleluia! Holy! Holy! Holy! The Lord, God of Hosts, Who was, Who is, and Who is to come  (Apocalypse 1.8)

 

Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross

Good Friday

The Thirteenth Station

Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross

"But one of the soldiers pierced his side with a spear, and at once there came out blood and water. He who saw it has borne witness -- his testimony is true, and he knows that he tells the truth -- that you also may believe. For these things took place that the scripture might be fulfilled, "Not a bone of him shall be broken." And again another scripture says, "They shall look on him whom they have pierced."   (St. John 19.34-37)

 It is Good Friday. And what a sombre and holy day it is. It has been a Christ filled day with stations of the cross in the morning after which I watched the Passion of Christ with some friends. The 3:00pm Mass straight after watching the Passion was really powerful. As the Passion was read from the Gospel according to John, I couldn't help but bring up the images of the film. 

As I reflect on the station, I contrast the brutality of the crucifixion to the loving tender way Jesus was taken down from the cross by Mary and the disciples. His mission is accomplished and now everyone waits in hope of the resurrection. 

Today I feel that hopeful weight (intentional homophone!). The weight is one of sorrow as I remember Christ's suffering and the hope lies in His resurrection. 

Now is the silence, the quiet and calm before the outburst of celebration and Easter begins.

Lord, I pray for all those being received into the Church tomorrow at the vigil. May you bless them with peace and the fullness of Your love and find a special dwelling place in their hearts as they receive Holy Communion for the first time. I ask this in your most precious name, Lord Jesus,  Amen.

O, most Sacred Heart of Jesus, we place all our trust in you.

Jesus, Lord, I ask for mercy

Let me not implore in vain

All my sins I now detest them

Never will I sin again

Let us pray:

O, my Mother, in this picture, in this mirror I see the dead body of your Son.

Looking at his lifeless body, I see my own death.

Death is a reality that we must all face, but I need the grace, the grace you possessed, Mary, to look beyond the passing reality of death to the greater reality of life everlasting; life forever beyond that pale shadow that has dogged us all our days and which, in an instant of unquenchable light, will vanish forever and with this valley of tears be remembered no more. This blighted presence of  the scandal of death is a shade, the flight of darkness itself from cruciform Light –  for "Dying, You destroyed our death"!

Mary, pray for me that I may cling to the promises of Christ and believe that they will be fulfilled within me, body and soul!

"Ego resuscitabo eum in novissimo die – I will raise him up on the last day." Your Son promised.

I believe.

Jesus Dies on the Cross

Holy Thursday

The Twelfth Station

Jesus Dies on the Cross

"When Jesus saw his mother, and the disciple whom he loved standing near, he said to his mother, "Woman, behold, your son!" Then he said to the disciple, "Behold, your mother!" And from that hour the disciple took her to his own home. After this Jesus, knowing that all was now finished, said (to fulfill the scripture), "I thirst." (St. John 19.26-28.)

Holy Thursday marks the beginning of the Easter Triduum. What a special Holy day it is as a memorial of the institution of the Blessed Sacrament by Jesus at the Last Supper. Mass today was beautiful and the sermon was on the Triduum. I love the connections between the passover, the blood of the lamb smeared on the doorposts that saved the Jews from slavery in Egypt, and Christ's passion, the blood of the lamb which saves humanity from the slavery of sin. The Jews were instructed to eat the sacrifice. Jesus commanded us to eat His Body and Blood in remembrance of Him. I love the complexities and the beauty of it all.

Jesus dies on the cross.

God died.

We killed Him.

Yet it was for US that He died.

And by dying He destroyed death.

And by rising He restored our life.

I don't think there is anything I can really say for this station. It is just so powerful to think about that it makes me want to go and kneel in front of the tabernacle and give thanks.

How does it relate to my day? It relates to my LIFE! because without His sacrifice I would have no life. No life eternal. God became man and died for us because He loved us so much He would rather He suffer and die for our sins then see us suffer and die for them even though it was what we deserved. If we could only experience a brief instant of God's full love for us, our unworthiness and ingratitude would be so blatantly clear that we would wonder how He ever put up with us. It blows my mind sometimes but most of the day I waltz around, lost in my own world of trivial problems and completely taking for granted the miracle of God becoming incarnate and dying for me. Lord, I pray for a stronger faith and deeper love and appreciation of all You have done for me.

Let us pray:

O, my Jesus, in this mirror I see reflected the incomprehensible icon of your great love for me. Through the Incarnation you emptied yourself of your Divinity to assume the flesh and blood of man – and as though this outpouring were not enough, that life you assumed now pours forth from you, a libation in blood, as you empty yourself once again ... now surrendering your humanity in blood to the darkness of death.

You have given all. Your Divinity and your humanity – and both, that we may share in your life as God! Surrendering both, you were poured out utterly – that we may come to the fullness of life through your death. Utter desolation. Utter abandonment. The total dereliction of God and Man in the God made Man.

It is not taken from you. You surrender it. It is yours to surrender, and it is yours to take up again! For all our evil devices we have taken nothing from you but what you willingly surrender, and because it was not in our power to take, it is not in our power to restore. We are not gods after all ... not by us, but for our sake, all has now been accomplished. By our malice, our sin, have we brought you to this death –- but not by our power. Your meekness has vanquished the might of all men!

In dying you overthrew death itself!

It is no more.

O, Jesus, grant me the grace to give myself totally to you for the sake of your love.

Behold, my Lord and my God, from this moment hence I surrender to you all that I am, all that I have! Beyond the scandal of the Cross on this hill of the skull, even now I behold a gathering light and it reveals endless fields that are yet white to harvest! You have come in your going. I go, too, with you ... so now, Lord ... send me ...!

Jesus is Nailed to the Cross

The Eleventh Station

Jesus is Nailed to the Cross

"And when they came to the place which is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on the right and one on the left. And Jesus said, "Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do." (St. Luke 23.33-34)

I am a procrastinator. I am lazy. I noticed that very much today. I have work to do, things to finish, things I have been putting off for long time because I don't feel like doing them. I know that I can do them because when something does interest me, I don't stop working until what I am doing is finished. So I have no one to blame but myself. I managed to tick one thing off my to do list today and it wasn't a very hard thing to do.

I think of Christ, in that position of total surrender, giving himself up into the hands of men for them to do what they pleased. In my own little way, I hope I can learn to surrender myself to the things I don't want to do or don't enjoy doing and to do those things without complaint.

Tomorrow is Holy Thursday and the Easter Triduum begins. I am looking forward to it!

Let us pray:
 
You opened your hands so many times before, my beloved Jesus. To bless, to heal, to raise the maimed, the ill – even to raise the dead; to caress the face of lepers, to hold the children who gathered so gleefully around you, to lift up from shame those brought down in disgrace.

And now you open them once more in an act of love and compassion greater than any other. The same love that opened them to the blind, opens them to the blind once again ... who do not see, do not understand, what they do. Willingly you open them to be transfixed by my sin – it was not the force of soldiers' calloused fists, but the force of  love that unfolded your hands beneath the shattering blow in the towering hatred and hammer.

You did not resist what in a word you could have vanquished!

Teach me, my Jesus, to be like unto thee: meek before hatred, returning love for spite, and blessing for malediction! ... to suffer evil without reproach, to immolate myself in my suffering – beneath the hands of men more evil than me – in an offering to Thee, O, God ... my God ... Who has not forsaken me! Into Whose Hands I commend my cause ... and commit my spirit!

Responsory

O, my Jesus, in this mirror of suffering I see your wounded hands and feet.

Though your wounds are bleeding freely, yet on your face is peace.

Your mission is almost accomplished; you have done what was yours to do.

O Jesus, teach me now to do what is mine.

Your arms are open in total surrender to the will of the Father –

I ask for the grace to abandon myself totally to your will, and through you to the Father.

Jesus is Stripped of His Garments

The Tenth Station

Jesus is Stripped of His Garments

"When the soldiers had crucified Jesus they took his garments and made four parts, one for each soldier; also his tunic. But the tunic was without seam, woven from top to bottom" (St. John 19.23)

I took a deeper look at myself today. I went to confession having missed the penetential service and the Saturday slots.

One of my greatest fears as a Christian is that I am not being authentic. I want to be real. I want to be a real person who believes in Christ and His Grace and Mercy. I don't want to pretend that everything is hunky-dory now that I living my faith or now that I am a “committed Christian”. Because it isn't. And reality hits hard. Things are never simple. Things are never black and white. And the only way through any of it, if you want to come out intact on the other side, is to have God in your life.

When I pray I want to pray earnestly and honestly, as I am, stripped of my false pretenses and of the platitudes that I am used to spouting when praying. When I talk to others, I want to be stripped of falseness and dishonesty. I want to be stripped of fake conversation. I just want to be me: Seb. Who I am. And I want to be who I am with Christ at my centre. No more, no less.

I have heard stories of people meeting friends who have converted to Christianity who say, “He's changed.” or “He's not the same.” They are right. He has changed and he isn't the same but I feel that at a persons core, the person they are is truly good and that is what his “friends” were attracted to in the first place. Being Christian isn't about covering up... It's about stripping down. Down to who I am at my very core. Down to who God created me to be. My true self.

Christ, you were stripped of Your garments and we mocked and laughed at You. I pray that I can be stripped too, Lord and that I can, with Your help, bear the torment and mockery that may come from being truly and honestly myself with you at my centre.

Amen.

Jesus Falls the Third Time

The Ninth Station

Jesus Falls a Third Time

"Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by? Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow which was brought upon me, which the LORD inflicted on the day of his fierce anger. "From on high he sent fire; into my bones he made it descend; he spread a net for my feet; he turned me back; he has left me stunned, faint all the day long. "My transgressions were bound into a yoke; by his hand they were fastened together; they were set upon my neck; he caused my strength to fail; the Lord gave me into the hands of those whom I cannot withstand." (Lamentations 1.12-14)

I sat and prayed properly this morning for the first time in a long time. I focused and tried my best to pray earnestly and honestly. Today was a good day spiritually, from what I could tell. I definitely felt a renewal of sorts, a strengthening of faith, an answer to my prayers (and anyone else who has been praying for me (thank you!)). I went for a long walk with friends in Kalk Bay which was really beautiful and just what I needed, then we talked about the Easter Triduum in RCIA tonight which was also really amazing.

As Holy Week starts, what has been coming to light for me (through this blog and through the Mass' leading up to Easter), is the love behind Christ's sacrifice. Just HOW MUCH God loves us.

Also His command to “go out and do the same” Luke 10 vs 37. I read the parable of The Good Samaritan this morning and that is what struck me. The teacher of the law inquires how he can attain eternal life, Jesus poses the question back to him to which the teacher of the law responds, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

“You have answered correctly,” Jesus replied. “Do this and you will live.”

(Luke 10:25-37)

Amazing. Really powerful. Christ's commands are clear and He witnessed to His teachings best by His giving His life for all mankind.

Christ fell a third time. But He also got up a third time and began His final push toward fulfilling His mission. As Christ begins His final steps toward the cross, this week I feel a renewal as I begin my final preparations for the Easter Triduum. I pray that I may be able to appreciate the magnitude of the events that transpired and that God will fill me with humility and reverence over the Easter period. Already the joy and excitement of Easter is bubbling over into Holy Week and how can it not as we all prepare to celebrate the salvation of mankind!

Praise be to God.

Let us pray:
O, my Jesus, in this mirror of suffering I see you, the Lord of Lord, the King of Kings, prostrate on the ground, exhausted, weighed down by your pain, collapsing under our sins.

In this icon I see your poverty, I see you, the great Shepherd of the sheep, crushed as a sacrificial lamb ...

This is the way in which we, too, must walk before we come to good pastures.

We are all called to walk to our own Calvary; called by our Shepherd into the light of the Resurrection ... beyond the Cross; beyond all tears, all suffering, all sorrow – to the home you have prepared for us from before all time ...

Jesus Meets the Sorrowing Women

The Eighth Station

Jesus Meets the Sorrowing Women

"And there followed him a great multitude of the people, and of women who bewailed and lamented him. But Jesus turning to them said, "Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children." (St. Luke 23.27-28)

Today I am struggling to relate this station to my day  in an honest way. I find the scripture passage attached to it very powerful. I am very tired still. Trying to get back into “life mode” after the shoot. So, I will post the reflection from the site I am sourcing for the stations. I found it thought provoking:

Let us pray:
"Jesus wept." (John 11:35) This is the shortest verse in all Holy Scripture, and it occurs upon Jesus learning of the death of Lazarus, and at the tomb before which Martha and Mary, the sisters of Lazarus, also wept. True God and True Man, Jesus knew the depth of human suffering, of pain in the heart to the point of tears. He, too, wept.

But now, confronted with the irrepressible grief of the holy women of Jerusalem, lamenting His own suffering – even as Jesus lamented the suffering of Martha and Mary – He seeks no compassion ... but brings solace to them instead. "Weep not for me." He cannot lament his own agony, for He would then lament the salvation of the world He was enacting before them. Instead, He embraces it, and tells the holy women to weep for themselves and their children.  Why? Especially, why for their children?

Most of them must have understood it at once. Any parent will understand it immediately.

It was not only for their own sins that they should weep – but for the sins of their children. What parent has not known the agony of a wandering and wayward child whose selfish sins (and all sin is selfish) have left behind them a wake of destruction and shattered lives that in turn have left a wake of sin and sorrow after them! What parent has not feared for the salvation of their own flesh in light of unrepentant sin? And all sin ... all sin ... the sin of all time ... is now laid upon the bleeding shoulders of the Son of God Who stops before them.

Bearing not simply all sins past, or even all sins present .... but all the sins of all the world for all of time ... He bears the sins yet to be, the sins of those not yet present, but in the generations to spring forth from the wombs of these holy women. Their sons, their daughters, even now, before their eyes, torment the Christ – as will their children's children unto the last man, the last woman, standing at the chasm of the end of all time. "Weep for them! So many ... so many, know not what they do! But here you see it before you, O, holy women who would lament Me instead of your own children,  who I know are as dear to you as I am to Mary."

This Station is, as it were, a hall of mirrors reflecting ad infinitum ... in which we see ourselves, and ourselves replicated endlessly beyond us – each image bearing down on the weight of the Cross.
In this mirror of suffering Lord, we see the pain of all mothers, not only your own beloved Mother, but all the mothers of humanity, as they mourn and weep for their children.

Receive, O Lord, my gift of prayer for all mothers who at this moment are suffering because their child is in sin, wayward and lost, or through our indifference dying – under their own cross of terminal illness or drugs, persecution or war.

Give them, these holy women, your blessing and your grace. Pause before them, too ... and speak words of some solace ...

Jesus Falls a Second Time

The Seventh Station

Jesus Falls a Second Time

"Come to me, all who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."   (Matthew 11.28-30)

I sit in an internet cafe, sipping a beer, hoping that my film uploads by midnight. If I really want to be honest about how I feel spiritually, I'd say that I am in a desert. Uninspired. Yet, somehow, while feeling like this, I still have moments when I am acutely aware of God and His presence. It's not a feeling or a sensation, it's just a “knowing”. It is like when I was a child and something frightened me in the night. I'd run as fast as I could through the dark passage way “knowing” that my mum was at the end of it and I would be safe there but that didn't take away the fear as I passed through the darkness... but it is what kept me running!

I keep pushing forward in this spiritual journey, praying that I will be granted the grace I need to “endure to the end” and that God will allow me to be fully aware of His love for me, or, should I say, open my heart and mind to realise how much He loves me.

Once again, Christ had me on His mind as He hit the ground a second time. He was aware of the lack of love, the lukewarmness, the doubts that would pass through my heart and perhaps that convicted Him even more to finish His mission because He knew that without His sacrifice, all would perish.

Christ, grant me that strength of endurance to keep on running the race and help me to draw strength from your cross, so that, even though I am so unworthy of Your love, I may one day come into the fullness of it, in You, my Lord.

Amen.

Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus

Station Six

Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus

"Plaiting a crown of thorns they put it on his head, and put a reed in his right hand. And kneeling before him they mocked him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!" And they spat upon him, and took the reed and struck him on the head. And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the robe, and put his own clothes on him, and led him away to crucify him." (St. Matthew 27.29-31)

There is something about this station that always speaks to me. Just the thought of Veronica, emerging from the crowds to wipe Jesus' face, stirs a compassion deep within me. 
 

It's been a long day and I have only got to this blog now. I've spent the day in front of my laptop editing my film and have finally got the first cut done. I went with a friend to stations of the cross in the evening which was a much needed respite. It wasn't at my usual parish and so when I arrived and found there was a Mass before the stations, I was pleasantly surprised. I found myself having to switch into “Mass gear” but realised that I needn't do such a thing and being “out of gear” was probably a better and more honest approach. I was tired and I didn't feel stirred or moved by the liturgy but afterwards I knew that regardless of what I felt, just by being there, I had participated in something miraculous. I suppose, just like Veronica wiping the face of Jesus, receiving the Eucharist today unexpectedly has been an amazing gift, even if I am not fully aware of it.

Let us pray:
O Jesus , in this mirror of suffering, I also seek your face ...
O my Jesus, my suffering Savior, I see your face and I meet understanding, as I see my own pain and suffering reflected as if in a mirror.
I see, too, the faces of suffering humanity, waiting for a Veronica to show compassion and love.
Beauty is never hidden from those who love, they embrace the total person in the other.

"Lord I seek your face, hide not your face from me."

Simon Helps Jesus Carry the Cross

"And spitting upon him, they took the reed, and struck his head. And after they had mocked him, they took off the cloak from him, and put on him his own garments, and led him away to crucify him. And going out, they found a man of Cyrene, named Simon: him they forced to take up his cross." (St. Matthew 27.30-32)

The Fifth Station

Simon Helps Jesus Carry the Cross

I took a jammie shuttle today. It was peak hour traffic, pouring with rain and I needed to get to Rondebosch. Technically, I shouldn't be taking the jammie because I am not a UCT student but it is close, convenient, efficient and safe. Everything the public transport systems are not. Anyway, that's all besides the point. It took us about forty five minutes to get to upper campus by which stage, it was storming! I ran out to the bus shelter and stood there. It hardly made a difference seeking refuge because the wind was so strong that it was pretty much raining sideways. Finally, the rain died down a bit and I decided to take my chances. I started walking down the road and just ahead of me, coming the other way, was a girl (a student). She was barefoot and limping slightly and looked miserable. I considered whether I should ask if she was okay. I hesitated, but then decided I should. “Are you okay?” She stopped and said, “Not really.” I asked where she was going and she said she was just going to catch a jammie and then said, “thank you for asking.” and walked on. I realised that just my asking had meant something to her. Making that effort. So often I don't. It's amazing how easily I can switch off to the suffering of others and not just in relation to homeless people but to the people I pass everyday on the street. I remember once passing a girl sitting on the side of the road, her scooter on the ground next to her, broken. She had clearly had an accident and she was holding her ankle. I walked past thinking, oh, she looks fine, she's probably called someone to help already and I went on my way. Thinking back to that, I can't believe what I did. What if she had no phone? I didn't know if she had fallen off ten minutes or thirty seconds ago. Maybe she had no one to help her. Just to go out of my way for five seconds to ask if she was okay or if she needed help wouldn't have been the slightest inconvenience to me in the grand scheme of things but yet I didn't bother.

Simon of Cyrene was forced to carry Jesus' cross. Sometimes there are crosses that I don't want which I have to bear but other times I feel there are crosses that others need help with and I should step in gladly to help. But, most times, I'm afraid of disrupting my little world, emerging from my little bubble. I pray that God will give me that grace of compassion and caring so that I can be a Simon of Cyrene to those struggling with burdens too great to bear.

Jesus Meets His Mother, Mary

"Simeon blessed them and said to Mary his mother, "Behold, this child is set for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign that is spoken against and a sword will pierce through your own soul also, that thoughts out of many hearts may be revealed."  (St. Luke 2.34-35)

The Fourth Station

Jesus Meets His Mother, Mary

This makes me think back to one of the key moments in my reconversion to the faith. It was the moment when I met Mary on my road to the Church and when I realised that she was my mother too.

It must have been about October or November 2010. I was in a bad place in my life. My heart was bitter, I was full of resentment but I thought I was doing okay. I was trying to pull myself out of this mire I found myself in, I wanted to be happy. But it was easier said then done and with out the grace of Christ, was darn near impossible. I had been doing RCIA and had found myself enraptured by what I had discovered in the teachings of the Church. It was that feeling of knowing I had found the truth but perhaps, as much as I knew I was on the right track now, I wasn't ready to fully surrender to it.

I had always been a skeptic of the Church's teachings on Mary. I had inherited this view from the “general consensus”, the outsiders perspective of the Church. I didn't understand it and I was afraid of it. But I had reached a stage of my journey where my heart had been softened enough to open me up to trying to see what all the fuss was about.

I can remember I was in Mass and on this particular evening I was feeling very bitter and very resentful and I didn't want to anymore. I was tired, I just wanted to let go. The Mass was beautiful but as we sang the recessional hymn, I looked over at the tabernacle and I felt something tell me I needed to light a candle. As everyone filed out I went over to the candles and lit one. I placed it down, then knelt in front of the tabernacle. I closed my eyes and said, “Okay, I'm going to give this a shot.” At this stage I really didn't know what or why I was doing this, my heart was full of doubt. I continued, “Mary, please intercede for me and pray that I may be filled with peace and that all this resentment and bitterness will be removed from my heart.” As I said the words an indescribable feeling of peace swept through me. All the heaviness on my heart fell away and I felt light. So unbelievably light. I floated out of the church on a cloud and that feeling stayed with me for a good couple of days. She had heard my prayer and had obtained for me that grace. What a milestone in my journey. Almost the sealing that needed to take place to make me sure that I was on the right track. I knew then that I was loved.

I know this doesn't relate directly to my day but as I reflected on the station, this story came to mind. When Jesus met His mother on the road to Golgotha, I'm sure He drew strength from her. And how strong must her heart have been to see her son in such a state and how great her faith was to acknowledge that God had a greater plan. So it was, on my journey, that I drew strength from her, the mother that Christ gave me as He hung on the cross.

Today we finished shooting my short film. I am pretty exhausted but I feel content and proud of everyone who helped out and pulled through on getting it together in such a short amount of time. As I sign off I think about that moment when Christ and Mary met on the road that day and wonder at the love that was exchanged between them, what an image. True surrender and true acceptance. And just as Simeon prophesied, a sword must have pierced her soul as her eyes met her son's. It must have taken everything she had to let Him go that day and not throw herself before the Romans to be taken in His place.

Pray for us, O holy Mother of God.

That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. 

Written prayer

O, Holy Mother, you carried Christ to us.

Pray, that now, we may carry Christ to others as you did, so humbly, to us.

amen

Jesus Falls the First Time

 The Third Station

Jesus Falls the First Time

"Surely he has borne our grief's and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that made us whole, and with his stripes we are healed."  (Isaiah 53.4-5)

In the business of the day sometimes it's hard to let my thoughts fall to Christ. In the rush and the excitement, my self involvement reaches it's utmost heights. Yet, He is there with me. Loving me, holding me and guiding me. And though I can't spare a moment for Him in the chaos of my day, He had me in His heart on that dusty street in Jerusalem when His knees hit the ground and the weight of the cross became too much to bear.

I filmed the first half of a short movie I am directing today and it went so well. Thanks be to God.

I often wonder about my profession. It is a wonderful medium, film and it is an extremely powerful art form. It can change hearts and minds. And so, it is also very dangerous. When I look back on a day of shooting, like today, I wonder where, in all that commotion, God is.

Is this His will for me? I think it is. But I pray I never forget that He wants me to do it for Him and that I may put my talents to His service always.

Let us pray:

Lamb of God, I no longer can number my sins ... which of them brought you first to your knees? Which sin was so laden with evil that you stumbled beneath it and fell to the ground? Was it the ponderous weight of hatred in my heart that caused your knees to buckle? Which voluptuous night? Which day of unbridled insolence? Was it the day I struck you when I struck down my brother? The day I throttled a debtor to reclaim what was never mine? Which day, my Lord? Which sin? They are without number and I am seized with grief – could I but atone for this one ... this one that brought you to the ground.

The world applauded as you fell ... endlessly through the empty corridors of my life that end abruptly now, here at your knees.

Did you see my feet before you as you lay on the ground? Did you look up on my indifference, bloodied and dazed?

I know you did! I saw you! Homeless and ravaged with addiction, you laid at my feet and looked up at me from the squalor of my selfishness, uttering no word of reproach – as I stepped over you on my way to work. I have seen your eyes a thousand times ... from doorways and dumpsters ... and a thousand times I passed you by.

For all my grief on this first fall you know ... you know that falling once will not suffice. I have brought the very Son of God to His knees ... and still it will not do! Still I am not convinced, that you will pour your life out in your love ... for me. You must topple this god I have made of myself, vanquish this idol again and again. I will see if yet you love me so!

What will it take?

But I will follow you ... to see if so you love me still – despite my countless sins that press you down against the pavement of my hardened heart.

Could one fall suffice, I would never have sinned again ...

O, Pie, Jesu, Domine ... !

Jesus takes up His Cross

It turns out today is the Solemnity of the Feast of the Annunciation because it fell on a Sunday. Sorry about that!

The Second Station

Jesus takes up His Cross

 

And he said to all, "If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it; and whoever loses his life for my sake, he will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? (St. Luke 9.23-25)

When I woke up this morning I wondered what I would say in tonight's blog. I knew I didn't want to "pre-think" anything and rather wanted the experiences of the day to dictate what I wrote. So, I tried not to think about it at all.... Don't think of a white elephant...

I knew what the station was, however and I felt that that was fair. That way I could see how my experiences of the day related to the station. But, turns out today was a pretty good day. There was no carrying my cross or bearing my burden! I went to early morning Mass with a friend and then went off and spent the day rehearsing with my actors for a film I am directing over the next two days. And that was a lot of fun! Not to give you the lowdown of the whole day but the evening was also really special and ended with me riding a bike down Kloof Nek to go pick up a camera rig for my shoot tomorrow! 

I guess what I can take from this is that my life is truly blessed. I have my health, I have friends, I have a roof over my head, I am doing what I love and I am Catholic! The challenge, I suppose, when I am in a time of "plenty", is to help others bear their crosses. And it's always good to acknowledge what I do have and how I can use that for others.

One thing that did strike me today was in Mass (the second time round (because I went again as part of RCIA tonight)) there was a visiting priest. I knew the priest as I used to attend the Parish he presided over a few years ago and seeing him reminded me of where I have come from in the last few years and how "taking up my cross" and following Christ has led me to a place I never could have imagined back then. (He is an awesome priest by the way)

I'm afraid I don't have anything more than that but that's the way it goes, I suppose. Once again, I'll end with St.Clare's prayer for this station.

Let us pray:

Lord Jesus, in this mirror, in this picture, I see the unfathomable, the unspeakable depth of your love for me. There were none to defend you from the hatred of the world when you stood silently, uttering no abuse and covered in shame. Our shame. Surrendering to the Father, you embraced us in the cruel wood of the Cross –while we surrendered to fear and abandoned you. You watched us flee, even as our sins rushed in upon you. That emblem of ignominy, rough-hewn, sin-saturated and fraught with such torment, you did not push away although a Legion of Angels stood at your call. How the world trembled around you! Angels and men!

You had lost so much blood! How could you have borne it? The way to the height of that sad summit of suffering was a gauntlet of pain and abuse, mockery, derision, and violence to your flesh – and still, still you choose the Cross? Alike, we who fled, and those who stayed – we, who took no violence to our flesh, and they who brought such violence to yours ... alike we bore down upon you as insufferable weight in the Cross. You could have fled, called down your Angels, passed through their midst – but you stayed because of us, as we fled because of you.

And still you stay!  – in the Most Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, in the Most Blessed Sacrament of the Altar!

And still we flee you! Fearing violence to our desires through submission to grace; fearing that same guilt by association that would call us, in you, to hold fast to our vows, fleeing the hatred of the world that would rush in upon us as our own sins rushed in upon you.

From afar we watch you stagger as our Cross is thrown upon you. Blinded by spittle and blood, buffeted on every side, you begin to wend your way into our lives. "Greater love hath no man ..." You know that we will come, one day, to understand this and through your example hold fast against the withering hate of this world.

Give me, O, Christ, to become like unto Thee, to take my first steps through that gauntlet of grace that leads me beyond that suffering height ... that I may die for Thee ... as Thou hast died for me! 

PS: Apologies for posting so late!

Jesus is Condemned to Death

25 March 2012

Feast of the Annunciation of the Blessed Virgin Mary

And in response, the Angel said to her: “The Holy Spirit will pass over you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. And because of this also, the Holy One who will be born of you shall be called the Son of God. - Gospel According to Luke, Chapter 1, Verse 35.

Hello everyone. I'm sitting in my room on Sunday evening. It's the 25^th of March and it is the Feast of the Annunciation. A crucifix hangs on my wall just in front of me and something tells me that while I write this blog, I need to keep my eyes fixed on it. This is the first post of a fifteen part series I want to do on the Stations of the Cross. I will post every evening for the next fourteen days leading up to Easter Sunday. Each day I will post the station and a reflection on my day past. The hope for me is that it will help me grow spiritually and better prepare me for the Easter celebration. At the same time, I'd like to share the experience with anyone who is interested in taking the journey with me.

I had the idea a few weeks ago but my enthusiasm for it had trickled away over the days of Lent. However, today, something (the Holy Spirit) prompted me to think about it again. I saw a reminder on my phone and low and behold I had set today as my day to start. I also received a facebook message a few days ago from a friend asking if I would like to write a blog to share on his Catholic networking site. In light of these events I really feel like I'm supposed to do this.

Here we go:

The First Station

Jesus is Condemned To Death

"So when Pilate saw that he was gaining nothing, but rather that a riot was beginning, he took water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, "I am innocent of this man's blood; see to it yourselves." And all the people answered, "His blood be on us and on our children!" Then he released for them Barab'bas, and having scourged Jesus, delivered him to be crucified."  (St. Matthew 27.24-26)

This Lent has been a terrible one for me. I started with lukewarm commitment and have continued in much the same manner throughout. I didn't give up anything (which is fine) but I had resolved to take on something. Something meaningful. I had wanted to volunteer at an old age home or a homeless shelter but, what do you know, I never got round to it.

I planned to fast twice a week but this turned out to be a half hearted affair. I have found my faith deeply challenged this Lent. Doubts have arisen, I have been spiritually lazy and unable to focus in prayer, but one thing has bugged me the most.

My indifference to the needy.

I realised at the start of the season, that what was important was not the giving up of things but what I could do to help others. I had posted Isaiah 58, verses 5 to 7 on Facebook, which talks about loosing the “chains of injustice” and untying the “cords of the yoke”. I thought I was being very clever.

Today I got my wake up call. Which makes it all the more fitting for me to have started this blog today. I had made my way to Rondebosch in the morning for Mass. The Gospel reading had been the raising of Lazarus (John 11: 1-45). Fitting. In many ways (you'll see why later). After Mass, I spent the day with a good friend of mine. We watched Ridley Scott's Alien and then I grabbed a mini-bus back to town. I walked up Long Street and then up Kloof Street and something struck me. There were so many beggars. Anyone who has walked around Cape Town CBD will know there is no shortage of panhandlers, petty thieves and homeless people but today there just seemed to be a multitude. When asked for money, I did my usual shake of the head with the mumbled, “sorry.” I pressed on up Kloof and I was just passing Nandos when I spotted a boy (he looked like a boy but he could have been in his late teens) walking slowly towards me. He was wearing ripped jeans and shredded shoes, his top was caked with dirt from nights on the street but what hit home was the look on his face. He was staring blankly ahead, his face was gaunt, the grooves in his cheeks where highlighted by smudges of dirt and his eyes were glazed over. He may have been high but I could see, even beyond that, that he had lost his will to live. It was very sad. I watched him walk past and more shockingly, I walked on. Suddenly a huge weight pressed on my chest. How could I have just let him walk by? I walked on but the weight grew heavier and I knew I needed to pray. I stopped by the Villa Maria adoration chapel and knelt down and pleaded for the boy. As much as I hope that these prayers were effective I knew I had missed a calling to help him; to do something for him. Our Parish priest had just been talking about raising and unbinding those people who have suffered a death of the heart (he had related this to the raising of Lazarus) by being Christ to those people. Merely a few hours later I had failed to do that.

How does this relate to today's station? Just as Pilate washed his hands of Jesus, how often do I wash my hands of those who need my help? How often do I shirk the responsibilty in the hopes that someone else will take care of it? Today I did. I feel St.Clare's prayer for this station sums up my feelings adequately and so I will leave you with that but before I do, to add a positive element to this post; all the events that transpired today led me to actually writing this. I wouldn't have done it otherwise and so God works His ways to bring me back to Him and to reveal His Mercy and who knows, perhaps I can take the last 14 days of Lent and make them count.

Let us pray:

Lord, have mercy on us, for none of us are innocent. In this mirror allow me to see where I have denied you, where I have refused to take responsibility, feared involvement in the suffering of others, turned away at the cost of the innocent. Lord, grant me the grace, the courage, to face suffering, to stand as a reed against towering Cedars that would crush the blameless, to contend with evil knowing that my failure to find my outrage is my complicity in it. Too, teach me humility, my God, in knowing that were I there, I would have denied You, fled you, too ... because I deny you, flee you, each time I choose sin over you. May this be so no more.

Judgment is no more mine than it was Pilate's. Lord, open my heart to pray for all those condemned to die.

Am I not numbered among them?

PS: This post is longer than the length I have planned for all the others.